From the time I discovered there was such a thing as a Master of Fine Arts degree in creative writing, I’ve wanted to do one. That was a long time ago, but for many years there was not a time when it “made sense” for me. Early on it was a money issue, then it became a time issue, then it was a moving issue (back in the olden times before the internet era, when “distance learning” was just a gleam in some techie’s eye). Later it became a military and motherhood issue—hybrid and low-residency programs were everywhere, but I always knew “the needs of the Navy” could screw up my need to travel to in-person residencies so I couldn’t make that commitment. Now my kids are older, our military life is over and hopefully our moving life is taking a time-out. After 20-ish years of not working I have a work-from-home gig that could help me afford a degree and my work is flexible to my schedule, but I still can’t bug out for a couple weeks at a time for required residencies in a low-res program.
Somehow, at every stage of life, there have been reasons (admittedly perhaps some excuses, but also legit reasons) why I haven’t pursued an MFA. But for these couple of decades, I have searched (again, and again) for possible programs, wondering: where and when might I make this work? And I’ve debated with myself about what I’m willing to do and what I want to do in a program.
Final Answers:
- I am not willing to take on debt, and I still want to be able to donate money, save money, and have a bit of “play” money… I don’t want to sink my whole paycheck into tuition.
- I am not willing to travel to twice-yearly residencies. This realization was a surprise, TBH, because there are a lot of very cool programs out there that I’ve daydreamed about. But I realized I don’t want to add airfare/lodging expenses on top of tuition, and having to get somewhere in the dead of winter/heat of summer would make me dread going to residencies.
- I would enjoy some in-person classes and I would love a community… but I really don’t want to have to take night classes.
- I don’t want to have to choose one area of writing. My background is a bit of everything–plenty of poetry, a whole lot of non-fiction, and a bit of playing with fiction. I want the freedom to shape a program that can include all of it.
- I want a literature-heavy program (or at least plenty of lit-heavy classes to pick from). I missed that in college by majoring in journalism instead of English… and I’ve missed it ever since.
- I want to be able to incorporate my spiritual life and to explore what writing can be as a religious vocation. AND. I want—strike that, I need—to be able to write “outside the box” of (and about) faith.
- I want to be able to take my time. Many (most?) programs are designed to be completed in two years. I have waited a long time for this, and I’m not in a hurry. A slower option also allows me to spread out the expense.
- I don’t want a program that is intensely competitive and hyper-focused on publication. I want support to shape a writing practice for my life. For me this is a personal-growth opportunity, not necessarily a professional publishing aspiration.
I know there is no such thing as a perfect program. I also know it is entirely possible to grow your writing ability and build a writing life without a degree at all. I also, also know that getting an MFA is not a magic wand for publication and, worst case, can just be an expensive piece of paper on the wall.
Still, I have kept coming back to this—dare I say, dream—all these years. What felt like delaying, and sometimes even denying with some attempts at DIYing, was really a long process of discernment. Maybe most of the moves we make in life are like this: waiting, and daydreaming, and searching, and list-making, and coming to terms with what we really want and what we are really willing to do… and paying attention for the time that where and when might finally come.
a moving yarn: 